I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
