new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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