he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
