The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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