remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
