Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Farmville is her only friend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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