dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
