he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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