It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
