I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
