I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
