If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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