he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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