so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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