you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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