Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
