the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My cat gives me a boner
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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