oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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