Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
