Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
