This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
