at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
