why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
