erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
