i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
