Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
