I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
