So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
honey bunches of taint.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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