I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
