Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
