I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
