it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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