My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
