So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
