I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
