True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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