No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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