My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
