Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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