i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
