I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
