Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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