Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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