I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
