I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
