i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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