its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
