Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
