dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
