this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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