Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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