I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
