on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
