Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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