Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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