a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
